Morning Run

I did not run on Sunday, which is typically my day for my long-ish runs because that is the day I usually have the most time.

However this Sunday I was a little off my game because of the huge margarita I had the night before. Night out with grown ups is always fun, but I definitely paid for it yesterday and the mere thought of running wore me out!

So, instead, I got up at 5 this morning, slept-walk my way to the treadmill and pressed start. My body was so confused and I felt like a robot trying to tell my arms and legs how to move. I slogged my way through the first mile, then moved a little faster through the second, and by the time I got to mile 3 I was in the zone. Unfortunately by that time it was time to hit stop and hit the shower.

But now, I am at work and feel like a million bucks that I already ran a 5 K today! The feeling of satisfaction, pride and accomplishment that I feel after a run is the only motivation I need to get up and get running!

Run, Beth, Run

So I've decided on a goal. I am going to run the half-marathon next summer at a race hosted by my mother's accounting firm. 13.1 miles. I believe I can do it. And honestly, for me, that is half of my battle! I'm starting to slowly increase my mileage now so that by the time next July rolls around I'll be ready.

I'd like to say that I will start Week One of training now and go by the book for 12 weeks, but with my life there is NO way I will be successful doing that. Between work and raising two lovely girls, I'm happy to sneak a run in when I can! So I figure slow and steady is what helped me lose 20 pounds in 2 years, slow and steady helped me train for a successful first 5K, so slow and steady will help me train for this half-marathon.

I'm already proud of myself for setting this as my goal. I've been thinking about it for months, believing I can do it for a few weeks, and now I'm announcing it out loud. No going back now. 13.1 here I come!

Oh, hello blog!

Well we are in summer-mode at our house! It is mid-July and we have been on vacation for a little over a month with another month left to go! What have we done already, you ask? A trip to Storyland with our best friends, a beach trip with Haley and her boyfriend, time at both camps, trips to have ice cream, strawberry picking and time playing outside at home. With another month to go more fun is in store!

Andy had foot surgery on Monday so our plans, as expected, have come to a screeching halt! Lots of time at home because Andy can't be alone for any length of time. I am so thankful for my family and our friends that are pitching in to help us out. With offers of food and playdates for the kids, I couldn't be more grateful.

Focusing

Andy and I have been talking for a while about getting a dog to add to our family. We've gone back and forth on the pros and cons. Andy had dogs as a child and loved them. I never had a dog, but always wanted one. We went to the Waterville Area Humane Society and found a 3 year old beagle named Gus who beckoned us over to his cage with his big brown eyes and even-temper. So, perhaps "Gus whose name will be changed when he lives with us" will move into the Carlton house this week?

All this talk of dogs, the change that is in the air during spring time and the growing up of my babies has got me thinking about my life and what I value. I've had a moment of clarity upon realizing "I could not ask for more." It seems my mind is always on fast forward....to the next house, next city, next degree, next job, etc. It's kind of an exhausting way to live and really only serves to undermine the appreciation for what I already have.

I was on the fast track to finish my clinical counseling license which would enable me to do more individual therapy than can be provided in the school setting. Providing therapy is my favorite part the job that I have right now and I thought (think) it would be great to have a job where that is what I do consistently. But the sacrifices I have to make in order to achieve that license include a 900 hour internship, examinations, another job and an eventual switch away from school counseling into the clinical field.

I just don't know that I want to do all of that for a relatively small change in title and practice. I love my job and I love the school I am at...doing the clinical license means investing in my future should I ever decide to switch career paths. But do I invest time in the present for something I am not sure that I want in the future?

It's March!

I always love turning the calendar on the first day of a month...fresh start, new beginnings. And in today's case, close to spring! Although by looking out our window you would believe it is already spring in Maine with the tiny amount of snow left on the ground after the rain we have been experiencing!

March also signifies getting ready for Emily's birthday. This year she turns 4 years old, and she is quite excited about this milestone. Not only is she one year closer to being ready for kindergarten, but she will be the oldest in her daycare. She adores being a big girl and doing "big girl" things. Yesterday, for instance, when grandma and granddad were at our house for lunch she was being a big girl by cutting up her cranberry sauce with a butter knife. She was quite proud. She absolutely is showing signs of growing up.

But then there are the moments, like at 3 am, when I am reminded of how little she still is. Emily had a nightmare about a skeleton being in her room and came into our bed to cuddle with us. So, even though she can cut her own cranberry sauce, she's still my little girl who needs the comfort of mommy and daddy when she has bad dreams. And I love it.

My husband has started his own blog which reminded me of how much I missed my own blogging time. I think I had some idea of what I was "supposed" to do on a blog...but what I really want is a place to record the goings on of our family so that when I look back on this years from now I will remember.

I am in week 6 of the 5K training and have really done well with it. Haven't had to repeat a day of the training and have just progressed forward every week (well, other than the week that I had the swine flu, which I smartly took off from running!) Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing how I do in the tough last 3 weeks of the training!

Something causing a bit of stress for me is the upcoming clinical internship that I am required to do if I want my LCPC license. It is 900 hours of internship which basically sucks. If I didn't love the idea of someday having my own practice, I would definitely NOT be doing it. I think I'll be working with a psychologist whom I greatly respect and know I would learn a ton from...but the time that I will have to put into it makes my stomach hurt!

This is such a busy time of year, trying to balance everything, as usual is a bit of a challenge. I try to remind myself every day to slow down and take time to just be with the girls. To give them the gift of my undivided attention. My goal as a mom is to each day make sure I gave both daughters all of my attention for a little while. So today Hannah and I colored together, in an unusual complete silence, but we were together and happy to be next to each other! With Emily, we read 3 of her favorite books, cuddled up under a blanket on the couch. She smiled at me and said, "Just Mommy and Emily time." Best way to end the day.

Heartbreaker for a Mom

Today I started "training" for a 5K. I am really pumped about this goal becase I KNOW I will be able to achieve it, and I think it will also be a challenge too.

Today was my most heartbreaking moment that I've experienced as a mom thus far. Grammie (Andy's grandmother) passed away on Monday. Tonight we told Emily that Grammie had passed away and gone to heaven to be with God. We told her that Grammie was very old and God wanted her to come to heaven to be with him. We knew that she was old enough to understand that Grammie was gone, but we really didn't think she would be affected by it.

Well, that girl cried. And cried and cried and cried. She curled up in Andy's lap and cried like I've never seen her cry before. She kept saying, "But I will miss Grammie so much. I can't do puzzles with her anymore." Then she said, "We need to tell Nan!" (Andy's mom...Grammie was her mom). We assured her that Nan already knew.

Thankfully I feel competent in this area thanks to my job, so I read her a book I had that explains what heaven is to children. She liked the thought of heaven, and stopepd crying. Well then she started crying all over again and said, "My Daddy died!" I told her that her Daddy didn't die, that he was fine. She said, "But he's old too!" She was so heartbroken, like she was realizing fort he first time the potential of loss. She asked me as we were saying her prayers before bed when Grammie was coming back from heaven. I explained that once you get to go to heaven to be with God you don't come back, because your life on Earth was done. That made her sad, but I'm trying to help her see that heaven is good and that we can be happy for Grammie that she is in heaven even though it makes US sad.

After lots of cuddling and reassuring, she felt better and could carry on. What an experience though...her grief was painful to watch and feel.