Heartbreaker for a Mom

Today I started "training" for a 5K. I am really pumped about this goal becase I KNOW I will be able to achieve it, and I think it will also be a challenge too.

Today was my most heartbreaking moment that I've experienced as a mom thus far. Grammie (Andy's grandmother) passed away on Monday. Tonight we told Emily that Grammie had passed away and gone to heaven to be with God. We told her that Grammie was very old and God wanted her to come to heaven to be with him. We knew that she was old enough to understand that Grammie was gone, but we really didn't think she would be affected by it.

Well, that girl cried. And cried and cried and cried. She curled up in Andy's lap and cried like I've never seen her cry before. She kept saying, "But I will miss Grammie so much. I can't do puzzles with her anymore." Then she said, "We need to tell Nan!" (Andy's mom...Grammie was her mom). We assured her that Nan already knew.

Thankfully I feel competent in this area thanks to my job, so I read her a book I had that explains what heaven is to children. She liked the thought of heaven, and stopepd crying. Well then she started crying all over again and said, "My Daddy died!" I told her that her Daddy didn't die, that he was fine. She said, "But he's old too!" She was so heartbroken, like she was realizing fort he first time the potential of loss. She asked me as we were saying her prayers before bed when Grammie was coming back from heaven. I explained that once you get to go to heaven to be with God you don't come back, because your life on Earth was done. That made her sad, but I'm trying to help her see that heaven is good and that we can be happy for Grammie that she is in heaven even though it makes US sad.

After lots of cuddling and reassuring, she felt better and could carry on. What an experience though...her grief was painful to watch and feel.

Fitness Goals

Even though I wanted this blog to be about tracking the lives of my little ladies, I figure, "Why not let it be about ME too?" During a particularly stressful time in my life I spoke to a woman who I trust and really admire. I was telling her about taking care of the girls, going to school, working full time, taking care of the house and being married, and she said, "So at the end of the day, you've been so busy being mom, Mrs. Carlton, a wife, a daughter and a student that you've lost Beth." And that rang so true for me. I LOVE my life. I cherish my daughters, am completely in love with Andy, feel blessed with my family and find fulfillment in my career. But I also think making time for me and my thoughts and things that make me happy are important too!

So, one thing I did in 2009 was to start working out religiously. Starting in June, I exercised 4-5 times a week. I ended up losing about 15 pounds and am at the goal weight I set for myself about 10 years ago. So, go me! :) And I really want to maintain it. I stopped exercising religiously in November. I could come up with a list of excused as to WHY, but that is not important.

I need to exercise. I love it and it makes me feel strong and confident. The only thing that gets in the way of me making time to exercise is me.

I got a little burned out doing the same DVD's, so I need to refresh my goals for the next 2 months. 8 weeks....not long at all!

So here's the plan: 2 days a week at the gym doing running/sprints on a treadmill for 30 minutes and then 15 minutes of strength. one day doing the 30 day Shred DVD at home, and one choice day (dvd of my choice or gym workout of my choice).

I feel it is doable! And my long-term goal is to sign up for a 5K. GULP.

Update on the girls!

We just celebrated Christmas and New Years with the girls and our large extended family. What a fun Christmas it was with Emily being 3.5 and Hannah 1.5. We hosted 3 Christmas celebrations here, 4 including our own family in the morning. It was busy, busy. busy but loads of fun.

Emily is loving being a big sister and is quite nurturing towards Hannah. She is excellent at sharing, except when she's tired! We are working on figuring out whey she STILL won't sleep through the night. I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept all night long (well, except for last night because the girls were at Grandma and Granddad's...hell yeah!) Emily asked Santa for a Barbie doll for Christmas and was beyond thrilled to see it on Christmas morning. It is also her least frequently played with present. Her most favorite gift this year? The game Pretty, Pretty Princess from her Uncle Dave. We play it daily.

Hannah is our wild child. She falls on a daily basis and climbs anything in sight. She has quite an arm on her too, throwing everything in sight! She is starting to talk a lot now too, and can say:
Oh no
uh-oh
yes/yeah
no (especially NO mama!)
thank you (day-doo)
I doooo
kitty
hi
please
juice (deuce)
pee (i peeeee...anytime she sees the toilet)
dada
mama
emmy
night-night (nigh-nigh)
baby
all done
and a bunch of strung-together gibberish!