Day 4

Today I was supposed to be at the MESCA conference, but instead stayed home with a sick little Emily who spent some time throwing up and fighting a fever. She rebounds so quickly from her illnesses though so it ended up being a quiet, peaceful day with my favorite 5 year old. It was a blessing to have this day with her, because lately she has been incredibly challenging. We both needed a day to reconnect with each other in a happy loving way. We read books, did a craft Turkey for her homework, colored, watched movies, and just chatted the day away. So today, I am thankful for Emily. Her creativity, drama, laughter, kindness, intelligence and willfulness fill my life with such exhausting joy!

Thankful Day #3

Today I attended a meeting with Hannah's daycare teacher and preschool teacher to advocate for her regarding a situation. And it made me thankful that I have been given the gifts of being a good mom. In my job I see so many children who don't have a parent that protects them, stands up for them, or takes any sort of involvement in their education. I am so thankful that I have the ability to protect my daughters as much as I can, and that I have the tools to be a good role model for them. They are my guiding lights and every decision I make I try to think about how it will affect them. I take my role as a mom very seriously and I want to give these girls the best possible start in life!

Thankful

It being November and the month of one of my most favorite holidays, Thanksgiving, I want to say every day one thing I am grateful for. Since today is the second day of November I better play a little catch up from day 1!

November 1st: I am thankful for a house that is safe, warm, and affordable. It may not be the biggest, or have the best (read: any) closet space for the girls, but it is ours and it is all we need for now.

November 2nd: I am thankful for two parents who still take care of me. They have taught me what true love looks like and what parents should be and do for their children. To this day, nothing can give me peace like a hug from my mom can.

V-a-c-a-t-i-o-n

February vacation is upon us. I really needed this vacation professionally, I was exhausted and burnt out! We started off with two days in Freeport as a family of 4. With basketball ending officially on Saturday night, I was happy to have Andy 100% with us instead of worrying about what time practice was or fielding phone calls from other coaches and parents.

We went snow tubing, swam in the pool, sat in the hot tub, went out to eat, shopping and just talked and talked. I absolutely cherish the memories and tradition we've started of staying in a hotel during break. Feb vacation is a nice treat, but it's very challenging to occupy two little girls all day when it is freezing cold outside and we aren't rich! :)

In running news, I hit kind of a lull where I am tired of using the treadmill day after day but I'm too much of a cold wuss to head outside just yet. But, I'm kicking my own butt and getting back into a running routine. In March I'll start really training for the half-marathon in July. Woo-Hoo! Andy is getting into the running game too, doing the Couch to 5k program...I'm so proud of him.

Emily is very excited about the prospect of turning 5 in about a month...and she is definitely ready to move on from preschool and into kindergarten. She is blossoming as a dancer, and just the other day asked me "Mom, when can you put me into an act-play" (her word for play). I have a sneaking suspicion that we have a budding actress on our hands...which is what I say to myself when she's having one of her more theatrical moments.

Hannah is 2. Really that says it all! She is fun loving and recently has developed a bit of a challenging spirit...but when she smiles her sweet Hannah smile it makes her terrible two moments melt away! She started taking gymnastics last month and LOVES it...jumping is one of her favorite daily pastimes!

Competition

A co-worker and I are engaged in a Nike Plus challenge. For those that don't know, you can use the nike plus system (you put it in a pair of nike plus capable shoes) to track your mileage, speed, etc. AND you can challenge others who have Nike Plus. Right now we are in a distance challenge; who can run the most in a month. This is such a great method to get you running, especially on days when you don't feel like it.

I never knew how competitive I was!! But since running has become a new identity for me, I don't want to lose! Right now I'm ahead by 2 miles...with the end date being Feb. 14th. And let me tell you, I am going to win. I'll just stay up late the night that the challenge ends and run until I win. Damn....I'm cold hearted. :)

Reasons Why I Run...

1. A good run can take me from stressed and grumpy to relaxed and happy.

2. Nothing beats the feeling of overcoming a bad run and ending it strong.

3. With a family history of leukemia, breast cancer and diabetes I want my body as strong and as healthy as possible to face whatever it is I will face with my health.

4. I love being able to call myself a runner.

5. I can eat a lot after a long run! (Or at least I tell myself that I can!)

6. Tired legs from a good run make me feel amazing.

7. My daughters see me run...and always beg for a turn on the treadmill. Yes!

Pushing Through

Not much new to post on my running journey. I have noticed, however, that I need a schedule in order to stay motivated. It's SO helpful to me to know on Sunday what I am going to be doing on Thursday, and helps me to stay on track.

My Half-Marathon isn't until July, so it seems slightly ridiculous to start training for it now, even though I want to! So instead I'm following Hal Higdon's 10k training program. I'm in week 2, and it seems doable with my schedule (Hubby is coaching b-ball right now so my free time is virtually nonexistent!).

The other day whilst running on the treadmill (I am offended by the use of the term 'dreadmill' as the treadmill has carried me through many a needed mile!) I was listening to an audiobook in an effort to prevent boredom. However, it felt like more of a distraction than I wanted. I think after a stressful day at work and crazy busy life in general, I wanted to put all of my mental and physical energy into my run. So I shut my ipod off and just focused on what my body was doing...and it felt so good to be in the moment and conquer the run!

Home is where the Happy is

I love being home. To me, nothing says "content" like a Sunday spent in my house with my little family. Napping, playing, reading, and just being together. The obligatory chores get mixed in with the fun, but such is life.

This is why the treadmill is a vital part of my running life. I never have to worry about fitting my runs in when I know the hubby will be home to watch the girls, or when the weather is right, or that I'm missing out on time with my family. I can get on the 'mill, the girls can come chat with me, or I can be a silent observer watching them play without them realizing that I am even watching.

Even though sometimes it is excruciatingly painful to run in place for miles, I'd much rather be home with my hearts.

Cold and exercise

I've had this ridiculous cold for over a week. Sore throat, cough, now a sexy laryngitis situation happening! I googled "running and a cold" and got lots of great hits on how to stay warm in snowy runs. Helpful since I live in Maine, but not exactly what I was looking for.

I read the advice that if your symptoms are above the neck, go for it. So I've been a good girl and kept on running. Now I'm more tired and the cold is still hanging around! I changed up my workouts today and did the 30 Day Shred and now feel utterly depleted.

SO, I'm powering down the treadmill and putting the running shoes on hold until this damn cold goes away.

(But knowing myself as well as I do, I'll be saying "damn the cold" and running tomorrow.)

5 Miles!

Yes, that's right. I conquered the beast. For weeks, I knew that the big 5 mile run should happen. I hit 4 a few weeks ago and have been happily running along having achieved that goal. But the big, never before conquered or attempted, 5 mile run had me anxious.

This morning (after bringing the girls to Breakfast With Santa and hearing that Emily's Santa gift had an additional request, naturally) I got on the treadmill with NO goal in mind, other than to run. My run started off great...everything was going the way it should. The girls were playing nicely with one another, the dog was sleeping, the husband was at basketball so I just kept on going.

Once I hit mile 4, my usual breaking point, I decided to try to get to 4.5. A half-mile after you've done four doesn't seem so daunting. And by the time I got to 4.5 I figured I might as well go the distance. And 5 miles and 55 minutest later, I had done it! I was SO PROUD.

Running always gives me a chance to clear my head, and be quiet. I just feel the rhythm of my body running and I can just be in the moment, which is feeling more and more like a gift. Today I kept thinking, even after battling an eating disorder, surviving the toll that college took on my body in a variety of ways, putting my body through pregnancy and childbirth, nothing has shown me just how strong and capable I can be. Running has finally been the mirror to reflect just how strong I really am.

What a Week

Yikes, what a week this has been. Emily was out sick for most of the week, ending up at the docs for a UTI. I've had a horrible head cold and am currently in the process of losing my voice (not great for a school counselor/mom!). Top it all off, Andy is back in full-time basketball coaching mode.

But I made a goal for myself at the beginning of the week. My goal was to run 14 miles this week. This has been a goal for 3 weeks and I continue to fall short. But this week, my incentive was to use a new i-tunes purchase as my reward for completing 14 miles. Breaking it down into a 4 mile day, then two 3's, then one 4 seemed doable.

And I'm on track! Tomorrow is my last 4 miles of the week, and I sure as hell am going to do it, despite the sickness and crazy schedule. Running has been an amazing source of strength for me. If I can conquer my run, I can do anything.

Morning Run

I did not run on Sunday, which is typically my day for my long-ish runs because that is the day I usually have the most time.

However this Sunday I was a little off my game because of the huge margarita I had the night before. Night out with grown ups is always fun, but I definitely paid for it yesterday and the mere thought of running wore me out!

So, instead, I got up at 5 this morning, slept-walk my way to the treadmill and pressed start. My body was so confused and I felt like a robot trying to tell my arms and legs how to move. I slogged my way through the first mile, then moved a little faster through the second, and by the time I got to mile 3 I was in the zone. Unfortunately by that time it was time to hit stop and hit the shower.

But now, I am at work and feel like a million bucks that I already ran a 5 K today! The feeling of satisfaction, pride and accomplishment that I feel after a run is the only motivation I need to get up and get running!

Run, Beth, Run

So I've decided on a goal. I am going to run the half-marathon next summer at a race hosted by my mother's accounting firm. 13.1 miles. I believe I can do it. And honestly, for me, that is half of my battle! I'm starting to slowly increase my mileage now so that by the time next July rolls around I'll be ready.

I'd like to say that I will start Week One of training now and go by the book for 12 weeks, but with my life there is NO way I will be successful doing that. Between work and raising two lovely girls, I'm happy to sneak a run in when I can! So I figure slow and steady is what helped me lose 20 pounds in 2 years, slow and steady helped me train for a successful first 5K, so slow and steady will help me train for this half-marathon.

I'm already proud of myself for setting this as my goal. I've been thinking about it for months, believing I can do it for a few weeks, and now I'm announcing it out loud. No going back now. 13.1 here I come!

Oh, hello blog!

Well we are in summer-mode at our house! It is mid-July and we have been on vacation for a little over a month with another month left to go! What have we done already, you ask? A trip to Storyland with our best friends, a beach trip with Haley and her boyfriend, time at both camps, trips to have ice cream, strawberry picking and time playing outside at home. With another month to go more fun is in store!

Andy had foot surgery on Monday so our plans, as expected, have come to a screeching halt! Lots of time at home because Andy can't be alone for any length of time. I am so thankful for my family and our friends that are pitching in to help us out. With offers of food and playdates for the kids, I couldn't be more grateful.

Focusing

Andy and I have been talking for a while about getting a dog to add to our family. We've gone back and forth on the pros and cons. Andy had dogs as a child and loved them. I never had a dog, but always wanted one. We went to the Waterville Area Humane Society and found a 3 year old beagle named Gus who beckoned us over to his cage with his big brown eyes and even-temper. So, perhaps "Gus whose name will be changed when he lives with us" will move into the Carlton house this week?

All this talk of dogs, the change that is in the air during spring time and the growing up of my babies has got me thinking about my life and what I value. I've had a moment of clarity upon realizing "I could not ask for more." It seems my mind is always on fast forward....to the next house, next city, next degree, next job, etc. It's kind of an exhausting way to live and really only serves to undermine the appreciation for what I already have.

I was on the fast track to finish my clinical counseling license which would enable me to do more individual therapy than can be provided in the school setting. Providing therapy is my favorite part the job that I have right now and I thought (think) it would be great to have a job where that is what I do consistently. But the sacrifices I have to make in order to achieve that license include a 900 hour internship, examinations, another job and an eventual switch away from school counseling into the clinical field.

I just don't know that I want to do all of that for a relatively small change in title and practice. I love my job and I love the school I am at...doing the clinical license means investing in my future should I ever decide to switch career paths. But do I invest time in the present for something I am not sure that I want in the future?

It's March!

I always love turning the calendar on the first day of a month...fresh start, new beginnings. And in today's case, close to spring! Although by looking out our window you would believe it is already spring in Maine with the tiny amount of snow left on the ground after the rain we have been experiencing!

March also signifies getting ready for Emily's birthday. This year she turns 4 years old, and she is quite excited about this milestone. Not only is she one year closer to being ready for kindergarten, but she will be the oldest in her daycare. She adores being a big girl and doing "big girl" things. Yesterday, for instance, when grandma and granddad were at our house for lunch she was being a big girl by cutting up her cranberry sauce with a butter knife. She was quite proud. She absolutely is showing signs of growing up.

But then there are the moments, like at 3 am, when I am reminded of how little she still is. Emily had a nightmare about a skeleton being in her room and came into our bed to cuddle with us. So, even though she can cut her own cranberry sauce, she's still my little girl who needs the comfort of mommy and daddy when she has bad dreams. And I love it.

My husband has started his own blog which reminded me of how much I missed my own blogging time. I think I had some idea of what I was "supposed" to do on a blog...but what I really want is a place to record the goings on of our family so that when I look back on this years from now I will remember.

I am in week 6 of the 5K training and have really done well with it. Haven't had to repeat a day of the training and have just progressed forward every week (well, other than the week that I had the swine flu, which I smartly took off from running!) Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing how I do in the tough last 3 weeks of the training!

Something causing a bit of stress for me is the upcoming clinical internship that I am required to do if I want my LCPC license. It is 900 hours of internship which basically sucks. If I didn't love the idea of someday having my own practice, I would definitely NOT be doing it. I think I'll be working with a psychologist whom I greatly respect and know I would learn a ton from...but the time that I will have to put into it makes my stomach hurt!

This is such a busy time of year, trying to balance everything, as usual is a bit of a challenge. I try to remind myself every day to slow down and take time to just be with the girls. To give them the gift of my undivided attention. My goal as a mom is to each day make sure I gave both daughters all of my attention for a little while. So today Hannah and I colored together, in an unusual complete silence, but we were together and happy to be next to each other! With Emily, we read 3 of her favorite books, cuddled up under a blanket on the couch. She smiled at me and said, "Just Mommy and Emily time." Best way to end the day.

Heartbreaker for a Mom

Today I started "training" for a 5K. I am really pumped about this goal becase I KNOW I will be able to achieve it, and I think it will also be a challenge too.

Today was my most heartbreaking moment that I've experienced as a mom thus far. Grammie (Andy's grandmother) passed away on Monday. Tonight we told Emily that Grammie had passed away and gone to heaven to be with God. We told her that Grammie was very old and God wanted her to come to heaven to be with him. We knew that she was old enough to understand that Grammie was gone, but we really didn't think she would be affected by it.

Well, that girl cried. And cried and cried and cried. She curled up in Andy's lap and cried like I've never seen her cry before. She kept saying, "But I will miss Grammie so much. I can't do puzzles with her anymore." Then she said, "We need to tell Nan!" (Andy's mom...Grammie was her mom). We assured her that Nan already knew.

Thankfully I feel competent in this area thanks to my job, so I read her a book I had that explains what heaven is to children. She liked the thought of heaven, and stopepd crying. Well then she started crying all over again and said, "My Daddy died!" I told her that her Daddy didn't die, that he was fine. She said, "But he's old too!" She was so heartbroken, like she was realizing fort he first time the potential of loss. She asked me as we were saying her prayers before bed when Grammie was coming back from heaven. I explained that once you get to go to heaven to be with God you don't come back, because your life on Earth was done. That made her sad, but I'm trying to help her see that heaven is good and that we can be happy for Grammie that she is in heaven even though it makes US sad.

After lots of cuddling and reassuring, she felt better and could carry on. What an experience though...her grief was painful to watch and feel.

Fitness Goals

Even though I wanted this blog to be about tracking the lives of my little ladies, I figure, "Why not let it be about ME too?" During a particularly stressful time in my life I spoke to a woman who I trust and really admire. I was telling her about taking care of the girls, going to school, working full time, taking care of the house and being married, and she said, "So at the end of the day, you've been so busy being mom, Mrs. Carlton, a wife, a daughter and a student that you've lost Beth." And that rang so true for me. I LOVE my life. I cherish my daughters, am completely in love with Andy, feel blessed with my family and find fulfillment in my career. But I also think making time for me and my thoughts and things that make me happy are important too!

So, one thing I did in 2009 was to start working out religiously. Starting in June, I exercised 4-5 times a week. I ended up losing about 15 pounds and am at the goal weight I set for myself about 10 years ago. So, go me! :) And I really want to maintain it. I stopped exercising religiously in November. I could come up with a list of excused as to WHY, but that is not important.

I need to exercise. I love it and it makes me feel strong and confident. The only thing that gets in the way of me making time to exercise is me.

I got a little burned out doing the same DVD's, so I need to refresh my goals for the next 2 months. 8 weeks....not long at all!

So here's the plan: 2 days a week at the gym doing running/sprints on a treadmill for 30 minutes and then 15 minutes of strength. one day doing the 30 day Shred DVD at home, and one choice day (dvd of my choice or gym workout of my choice).

I feel it is doable! And my long-term goal is to sign up for a 5K. GULP.

Update on the girls!

We just celebrated Christmas and New Years with the girls and our large extended family. What a fun Christmas it was with Emily being 3.5 and Hannah 1.5. We hosted 3 Christmas celebrations here, 4 including our own family in the morning. It was busy, busy. busy but loads of fun.

Emily is loving being a big sister and is quite nurturing towards Hannah. She is excellent at sharing, except when she's tired! We are working on figuring out whey she STILL won't sleep through the night. I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept all night long (well, except for last night because the girls were at Grandma and Granddad's...hell yeah!) Emily asked Santa for a Barbie doll for Christmas and was beyond thrilled to see it on Christmas morning. It is also her least frequently played with present. Her most favorite gift this year? The game Pretty, Pretty Princess from her Uncle Dave. We play it daily.

Hannah is our wild child. She falls on a daily basis and climbs anything in sight. She has quite an arm on her too, throwing everything in sight! She is starting to talk a lot now too, and can say:
Oh no
uh-oh
yes/yeah
no (especially NO mama!)
thank you (day-doo)
I doooo
kitty
hi
please
juice (deuce)
pee (i peeeee...anytime she sees the toilet)
dada
mama
emmy
night-night (nigh-nigh)
baby
all done
and a bunch of strung-together gibberish!